For the first time since I started this blog a couple months ago, I sincerely thought about skipping my weekly update.
I’ve been struggling for the last couple weeks, and this week really seemed to exemplify everything “wrong” in my life. I woke up feeling like “screw this. Nobody cares and this will just be one more thing I fail at, so why bother at all. . .ever?”
Here’s the thing, journeys like this tend to be “Instagram glossy” when you see them on social media. You get the before and after shots, but you don’t see the in-between shot of them on the couch on a Friday night surrounded by crushed potato chips and an empty container of Ben and Jerry’s.
There is no goal quite as difficult to reach as the one that has you fundamentally changing who you are as a person.
It’s tough. It’s painful. And sometimes, it really doesn’t go well at all. Sometimes you do what you think are the right things to reach the prize you’ve set for yourself, and it doesn’t matter. You go backwards. So you try something different, and you go sideways. But you can’t find the damn way forward.
That’s when giving up seems the best option all around. It’s certainly the easiest. Continuing on the Road to Goal when it is full of roadblocks seems like the biggest waste of time there is.
I’ll tell you something, though. Those roadblocks? They’re illusions. They aren’t real. You can walk/crawl/plow through them if you want to.
I am not the same person I was twenty years ago. Twenty-four-year-old me could not fathom the life I have now. She wouldn’t know what to make of the confident, married, active, entrepreneur I am today. She’d be jealous that I weigh so much less than her, and that I found someone to love and who loves me. She’d be confused at how I can go out to parties and drink and socialize with people I don’t know. I am now the person I so desperately wanted to be back then.
But twenty years ago, those roadblocks were insurmountable to me. They were solid, they were unmovable, and they were permanent.
It took me a lot—and I mean, a lot—of hard work to get where I am today. And instead of resting and enjoying, I’ve set myself on a new journey. One that’s every bit as challenging as crawling out of my pit of social anxiety, depression, and crippling shyness was all those years ago.
So yeah. I’m going to have tough days, or even tough weeks. There are going to be periods of time where I feel like nothing I do is right, or enough. That I’ll never be able to get to where I want to be.
But that’s a lie.
So long as I keep putting one foot in front of the other, so long as I keep getting up in the morning, so long as I keep putting the time in, so long as I keep telling myself I CAN do this, it will happen.
Maybe it will look a little different than what my brain told me it should look like, but that’s okay.
The Road to Brown Belt is full of challenges inherent to each one who travels it. Maybe yours is called The Road to New Job, or The Road to Mental Health, or The Road to Personal Fulfillment. Whatever it is, the roadblocks in it are meant to challenge the negative beliefs you have about yourself. You are the only one who can smash them, and the only way through is, well, through.
But you’re strong enough to do this. And so am I.
There are so many out there who want something different in their lives, but the first hurdle—admitting that they have things that need changing—is too much.
You—we, I—have made it past that first hurdle.
We can make it to the finish line.
And that, my friends, is the biggest WIN we could ever ask for.